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IKEA Romance & two more. by Demosthenes Hammond

I met this girl
                (At IKEA)

Me being a sort of D-I-Y
                Kinda guy;

We talked in Swedish
                Furniture:

With complementary form
                And pencil.

I scribed down my number,
                Was about

To slip it to her but
                I found out;

(A conveniently forgotten
                Step-Father)

As my hand was in her
                Back pocket,

The Step-Dad's was in my
                Eye socket...

I had struck gold in
                A coal mine-

I left with blackened eyes              
                Anyway


(She) Wears the Mask (A Parody).
She wears the mask that's green and why:
 (Exfoliates cheeks and avoid the eyes)
  She'd pay a beautician- while
  I share a beer with a mate named Kyle;
  As we scratch our genitals unsubtly.

Why in the world didn't she check the price;
  Doesn't her natural beauty suffice?
  Nope,"I can only see you (she said in a rile)
        After I've worn the mask."

I had smiled, but Jesus H. Christ; guys
 Don't need to get a loan or a pay rise-
 To afford to have their nails filed
 (Or to have smoother thighs than a child)
-But I'll give her credit because she tries
       (But I still carry a flask).


Perhaps the most inspirational Haiku ever written.
I am staring at
The ceiling fan and it is
Not moving at all.


Demosthenes has a terrible secret. Yes, he writes poetry. What you may not know about him (besides everything) is that he is a self confessed romantic. Be wary of bundles of flowers appearing on your doorsteps, cumbersome journals filled with flowery poetry being slipped in your bag or hired midgets dressed as cupid firing arrows at you and following you around. The last one in particular. @DemosthenesPoet.