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On brand. by Gary W Hartley

and Cillit Bang brought inner peace
and Aquafresh meant thoughtfulness
and Red Bull gave you foresight
and Sellotape brought gentle touch
and Panadol cured callousness
and Duracel made you stop and think
and Sony saw a better you
and Mattel made you heal the sick
and Gillette slashed all misery

Gary currently lives in Athens, Greece, where he's conclusively proving northern English humour's lack of international appeal. He used to co-edit the Alarmist when it wasn't defunct, and has a book out called Your Attempt to Enjoy These Poems is Considered Unsatisfactory. His mum has read neither.