Two Ann Coulter Mash-Up Poems by Sara Biggs Chaney

I. excerpts from Demonic: How the Liberal Mob is Endangering America[1] / “Lady Lazarus”[2] by Sylvia Plath

As fire seeks oxygen,
I have done it again.

A walking miracle,
the political opportunist.

My pure flesh of calculation
blocks the schoolhouse door,
and the peanut-crunching crowd shoves in to see.

Eisenhower unwrapped me,
hand and foot.
Sour-breath Strom
peeled off the napkin.

Strip teasing for bigots
Is an art,
like anything else.

II. Right Wing News' “Favorite Ann Coulter Quotes”[3] / “Musee des Beaux Arts” by W.H. Auden[4] 

About suffering they were never wrongthe Islamic fanatics, the three thousand Americans, the adulterers, abortionists, criminals and communists, who did not especially want it to happen. How it takes place—(as if you’ve never done it, you can’t criticize it)back in the prelapsarian fifties, the division of labor nothing short of perfect.

For cocktails alone, it’s not the women who should be complaining, but the billionaire rootless international financiers. Now even the dreadful martyrdom is sold out by Democrats, their doggy life, their reverse Christ story. Some college professor has already written an article to undermine American security. It’s an intriguing strategy, having nothing to do with the expensive white legs of science, or the delicate ship of the constitution, disappearing—while the draft dodgers, liars, weasels and cowards sail calmly on.

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Sara Biggs Chaney lives, writes, and walks her dog in Vermont. She teaches writing at Dartmouth College. Her writing has appeared or will appear in Stone Highway Review, Sleet Magazine, Right Hand Pointing, Counterexample Poetics, Crack the Spine, and elsewhere.