Now That I Have Twitter Followers by Kastalia Medrano

Due to my recent influx of Twitter followers, I'd like to now try a few jokes and general observations that were just way too good to waste before, when I only had like 246.

– If I was an educational science rapper, my rap battle name would be Food Chainz.

– Soccer is pretty much the opposite of hockey, fight–wise.

It's like finally these thoughts are being appreciated, you know? Someone once told me about the time they were at a cocktail party, and they told this absolute zinger about why did the milking stool only have three legs, but nobody heard because a new plate of miniature hamburgers had just come out from the kitchen, to which I was like, I know, right?

– The worst stock character is Career Woman Who Is Suddenly Handed A Baby and Doesn't Know How To Hold It.

– The best Christmas movie is Prancer.

– The best stock character in Prancer is that old lady whom the child teaches to love again, though she never gets the makeover she deserves.

I mean, imagine doing this for no favs.

– Lattes and cappuccinos are the same thing.

– Sum 41 and Yellowcard are the same thing.

– Pepsi and Coke are probably not the same thing, but they can be if you add enough alcohol so let's do that.

No doubt some people will be like hey some of these aren't all that funny, and either way they don't appear to be pressing, exactly, to which I will just be like uh, why don't you tell that to my followers.

– Vanessa was the best character on Gossip Girl, in terms of actually being a decent human being.

– The How I Met Your Mother ending was fine, assholes.

– People would take rhythmic gymnastics more seriously if they stopped calling the hoop 'the apparatus.'

– Nobody really believes your retweets equal endorsements.